In director Kevin Smith’s Yoga Hosers, two teenage store clerks, ‘The Colleens’ (Harley Quinn Smith and Lily-Rose Depp) escape ritual sacrifice at the hands of knife-wielding students. In a totally unrelated plot line, they then overcome an undead Canadian Nazi (Ralph Garman, tediously showcasing his impersonation skills) and hordes of murderous ‘Bratzis’ – tiny Nazi soldiers made from bratwurst sausage who scream in German and explode into piles of sauerkraut. In between, the girls encounter Quebecois manhunter Guy Lapointe (Johnny Depp) whose mumbling and carte blanche ad-libbing drains all signs of life from every scene. In addition, The Colleens attend yoga classes run by the increasingly frustrated Yogi Bayer (Justin Long) a plot line used primarily to batter home the same tired joke several times over.

Smith and Depp (Lily-Rose, certainly not Johnny) do their best, but inexperience combined with ordinary direction and a lazy, purile script results in none of the three dimensional, observational characterisation or humour found in films such as Clueless. Yoga Hosers isn’t clever, it isn’t funny (unless you find potty humour and jokes about periods amusing).  The effects are ropey, the flashback is lame, the Nazi references misguided and the constant hackneyed digs at Canada and the Canadian accent (‘Eh, aboot, basic’) wear out very quickly.

Yoga Hosers is not a good movie, it has nothing to say and all the gags fall flat, but it will no doubt amuse a handful of die-hard Smith fans.

Caroline Grebbell

Tuesday 21 June, 8.50pm, Filmhouse 1

Saturday 25 June, 6.00pm, Cineworld

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